Entry 27: Brian's Future Plans

Each counselor is assigned one or two Special Kids with whom we work closely, create target goals, go take Special Time off campus and in general act as their advocates. This Special relationship has many benefits, one of which is the kids sometimes tell you things they've never told anyone else.

My Special kid at the moment, Brian (13) has been with us almost 3 years and is getting ready to graduate from the program and live with relatives other than his adoptive, fat, abusive gay mom. Brian also struggles with his own sexuality, which means that his homosexuality is obvious to everyone except him. One quiet day, during Special Time, we enjoyed this gem of a conversation:

Him: Do you ever wonder what it'll be like after I graduate?

Me: You mean like, will you ever come to terms with your true self?

Him: You're always kidding around.

Me: Not always.

Him: I mean like, would you ever want to visit me just to see how I'm doing or just to hang out for a while?

Me: Oh yeah, of course I would. I'm planning on doing that anyway, and I'm glad you're thinking about it too.

Him: Well, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm just wondering what you would tell everyone after you got back. I mean, I know you can't keep a secret with the staff, but would you have to tell all the kids too?

Me: I'm starting to feel uncomfortable with this conversation. I don't like talking about keeping secrets. Why can't you just ever say what's on your mind? And no, I'm not keeping any secrets.

Him: Okay. Here goes. Picture yourself coming to visit me and you're kind of dressed up but not really dressy, just kind of better than you usually dress at work. Just looking really nice. And you knocked on the door and you knew you had the right address so you knew I had to live there. Then somebody opened the door but it wasn't me. It was a really pretty lady with long flowing hair and a really pretty dress with flowers, the kind you can almost see through but not quite. And you said, "Oh excuse me, Miss, I thought Brian lived here." And the lady said, "I am Brian. But they call me Brianna now."

Me: This disturbs me on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

Him: Sometimes I just think I'm more like a girl than a boy. And just tell me the truth. Somebody told me that there was a way to turn boys into girls and girls into boys. Is that true? Have you ever done that for any of your old Special kids?

Me: I don't think the county would appreciate my helping you in that way.

Him: Well I heard there was a way.

Me: Have you told your therapist any of this stuff?

Him: Why would I tell him? That's my private business. We just play board games.

Me: Anyway, what else do you think you'd like to do when I visit, hang out at the mall?

Him: Well I don't know. Do they have that kind of dress at Macy's?