Here's the agency's philosophy for training new staff: if the new employee makes it through his first 24 hour observation shift without running out the door screaming or hitting a kid, that staff may, at some point in the future, merit some kind of agency-sponsored training seminar. So, usually from the first shift on through the first several weeks, the new hire is not trained on topics such as who these kids are and what their special needs may be, how to legally and appropriately physically restrain a kid, how to know when a kid is showing signs of stress or acting out, the daily schedule and what is considered proper communication between staff.
The new hire is thrown into a sink-or-swim situation where he or she must rely on instinct and split-second judgment, and believe me, I have seen many more staff sink than swim on their first day.
So when I pulled up to the group home, tucked away among the quiet foothills of an immense piece of property, I was filled with an honest sense of pride that I was going to help the helpless and, by doing that, become stronger myself. I would give the kids a strong hand up, enhance their creativity, stimulate their intelligence, solidify their spirit.
Looking back now I think Flip Joseph may have had a point. Maybe I did smoke a lot of weed in college because I was totally deluded and unprepared for what I was to encounter.
As I approached the group home, I saw three boys and one staff outside. One boy of Chinese descent was trying to ride a bike with a flat tire and no chain. This didn't seem to be discouraging him. When he walked, it appeared as if his bones were fused in his hips (this turned out to be true) because he would waddle, ass gyrating and twisting side to side.
The other two boys, both black, were having a nice game of three flies up using a wadded up ball of duct tape and an old tennis racquet. Whenever the Chinese boy turned his back, the other two would suck their bottom lip in and stick out their top teeth and mimic the sexy ass-gyration of the Chinese boy.
The staff was one large black man, about forty, wearing a caftan, necklaces and had four little beaded braids dangling from the back of his afro. He sat quietly and smoked, apparently oblivious of the boys' teasing. I approached with my hand held out.
"Hi my name's Stokie and Flip Joseph said to come here and do the 24 hour thing..."
He bellowed, "LET'S HUDDLE UP!" I looked at the kids but they just carried on about their business. To say that this man avoided eye contact would be misleading. He looked through me, a thousand yards away, as only a Viet Nam vet or a Death Row inmate can.
As I stepped toward him to shake his hand, he quickly squatted down, ignoring my hand and perched his elbow on his knee. He took a long drag on his cigarette. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to actually squat down with him. He wasn't saying anything yet. I bent over and put my hands on my knees in a tenuous half-squat.
Then, he whispered, "They call me Guru. You can call me what you want. But if you listen, you'll find that the name is not unwarranted. If you listen, you won't get hurt. If you communicate with your team, you won't get hurt. Always check in. Never do anything on your own. You don't mean anything right now. See how these boys are testing you already?"
I looked but could not see the boys doing anything differently. Guru continued his whisper. "Here are three boys who take a loyalty oath any time someone different cooks dinner. Here are three boys who haven't learned the difference between love and a cold-cock. So who is to tell me when I can and can't address these boys when they tease each other."
He paused. Then he boomed, "I'VE BEEN HERE 13 YEARS!" He stared at me and slowly widened his eyes to emphasize this last point. Back to the whisper. "Choose your battles carefully."
I thought, this is nonsense. But it's intimidating nonsense.
I entered the house and met my other two teammates, a woman named Katrina and a big white guy with a flat-top named Toby. I walked around the house and introduced myself to the boys. Most were waiting on their beds. One of them yelled to me.
"Staff, Staff! I need help. There's a big-ass spider in my room and I don't know what to do."
I asked him, "Where is it?" He pointed to the far corner of his room.
I walked over to step on the spider but couldn't see it. I bent over to look.
Then I heard, "Now I gotcha! I wanna see you bouncing on my dick!" He was standing in his doorway with his hands blocking my way.
"C'mon, man, let me through."
"Not until I see you bouncing on my dick!"
I panicked. All I could think of to say was, "That's not right, that's not right!" I lowered my shoulders and ran. I hit him full force and knocked him to the ground and ran out into the middle of the living room, panting. The kid was laughing like it was fun.
Toby, the staff, said, "Hey, Stokie, I was looking for you. Make sure you tell the other staff where you are all the time. You never know what these guys are gonna do next. Now, your assignment this afternoon is to help Guru run 'community group.'"
I sat on one of the two chairs, which was placed in front of three couches arranged in a semi-circle. Guru sat beside me. He hollered, "COMMUNITY GROUP!" Then whispered, "Have a seat on the couch."
Nine of the boys sat on the couches. For some reason the tenth boy sat in a chair all by himself about 12 feet away from the rest of the group. I asked him if he could come join us here in Community Group. He said, "I have to sit on station."
The other boys all murmured, "sexual...whoa guy...booty-buster". I looked at Guru. He sat stone-faced, staring at something a thousand yards away. The boys continued to titter and make hand gestures at the expense of the isolated boy.
The boy looked at me and asked, "Can you tell them to stop provoking me?"
I didn't know what he meant. "Provoking you? Provoke you to do what? What are you talking about?"
The other boys started with a chorus of "Serve it...syrup...serp, serp, serp."
Guru sat like a statue but started to whisper, "That's not what I'm looking for, that's not what I'm looking for..." until the boys began to quiet down. As Guru went over the schedule for that day, one of the boys, sitting with his hands in his lap, was looking at me while pointing at something. He kept wiggling his index finger up and down. I kept looking around to see what he was pointing at. Finally, I realized that he was pretending to be waving around his dick. I couldn't believe it and I started to laugh.
Guru stopped and looked at me. I fumbled for words, "That kid right there...he's doing something...what are you doing...he's making penis gestures!"
The offending boy yelled, "Whoa guy! I'm not like that. That new staff gots issues. He's sexual."
As I was trying to make sense of this, Guru began to wrap up group. "Now. Acknowledgements. Respectfully. Jimmy."
Jimmy began. "I'd like to acknowledge Guru for being hecka-tight. I'd like to acknowledge new staff, I don't know why. I'd like to acknowledge myself for staying in group and not blowing out even though I want to."
It was Jose's turn. "I pass".
It was Jesse's turn. "I'd like to acknowledge myself for staying in group. And dinner. What's for dinner?"
It was Richard's turn. "I'd like to acknowledge Jesse's mom for being HELLLLLLLLA-FAT!"
I wasn't really sure what happened next. An explosion of boys, screaming, punching, crying and running. I jumped into the middle of the pandemonium to try to break up all the fighting but found myself rolling around the bottom of the pile, getting hit, stepped on and elbowed.
Guru grabbed me and threw me on top of Richard. "Hold his arms and kneel on his legs like this." He got on top of Richard and I grabbed and knelt on Richard the way he told me to. Guru's side of Richard was perfectly still, secure. But Richard was really fighting on my side. I kept losing my grip of his arm and Richard would flail and punch me relentlessly.
Finally, I was able to secure him, but I was sweaty, panting, scared and mad. I wanted to kick the shit out of this kid. I was there to help him, not fight him. What the hell kind of job is this?
Richard never stopped struggling. During this marathon, he kept accusing me of twisting his arm, abusing him somehow. Every time I would try to talk to him, he would scream, "You motherfuckin sexual ape-man. I'm gonna sock you in the mouth, wardie, I'm gonna sock you in the mouth. Say I won't wardie, say I won't!"
Well, this went on for an hour. I was sick to my stomach and I wanted to kill Richard. I wanted to kill Guru. He wasn't helping me! He just knelt down there saying nothing, kicking back easy as can be while I was fighting and sweating. I thought the kid was the biggest idiot on the planet. What's he going to do, hit me while we have him held face down on the carpet?
"Say I won't, niggerachi, say I won't!"
I had it. Time to set a limit. Show him who's boss. "You won't!"
Guru turned to me, looked me in the eyes and slowly shook his head.
"That's it, shit-head, I'm gonna sock you in the motherfuckin' mouth! You heard it! He said I won't. He said I won't!"
Richard struggled and fought for 2 more hours until he was exhausted. Hell, I was exhausted. I was sweaty, confused, and tired. I thought, as most of us think after our first shift, "This will last about three months. Then I'll get a reference and get the fuck out of here."
But at least I won. I wore him down. I said he wouldn't and he didn't. At least I had that small triumph.
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