Entry 35: Rasmus Gets Dipped

I pulled into work one afternoon and parked right behind Toby, a tall, muscular guy with a flattop, who was still sitting in his car. I really don't mind working with Toby that much. Although he can be a little abrasive and his childcare skills sometimes leave a lot to be desired, he also gives the kids a solid sense of safety. Beneath his loud, obnoxious and seemingly one-dimensional personality is a strong-minded character that is magnetic to kids.

He and I usually set up a good-guy, bad-guy guy dynamic. Him as the tough disciplinarian and me as the empathetic ally who can help the kids communicate their needs.

As we were walking to the staff office, Toby said, "We're supposed to get that new kid today. I hope you're ready to rock and roll. Apparently, he held off the cops while he was locked in his bathroom with his pit bull. I guess the cops didn't have a choice but to shoot the dog. I'd be fucking mad about it too, but you gotta respect authority."

I said, "It's hard to respect authority when your parents, the ones who are supposed to be taking care of you, are out all the time dealing crack."

We walked in and immediately heard some kind of commotion coming from one of the rooms. I said to Toby, "I think our new guest is already here." We walked toward the noise and into one of the bedrooms where we encountered Nancy, a disheveled house therapist with enormous glasses. She was speaking to a kid I'd never seen before, apparently the new kid, who was standing on his head on his bed mattress.

Nancy turned to me and Toby and in her whiney drone said, "Oh, hi guys, I'm glad you're here. This is Rasmus. Rasmus is new here and you know what? I think he's feeling a little nervous about being in a brand new place."

Nancy has a habit of baby-talking to everyone, even the adults, when she talks about a kid. This, combined with her unbrushed hair, glasses and leftover hippie clothes make her a muppet-caricature of herself.

"I ain't nervous, bitch, I'm gonna kill myself." Rasmus was a wiry black kid of about 12. "Alls I gotta do is let go and I could break my neck."

Nancy nodded her head vigorously. "Okay, okay, good, good. You're letting your feelings out. That's a step in the right direction. It must be an icky feeling to be so scared. But do you really think you need to kill yourself to express your feelings?"

"Yes I do. But you could give me some more of them Skittles?"

Nancy reached into her purse. "You know what? Can you sit on your bed in the regular way? You know, on your bottom? So you won't break your neck. Then I could give you some more Skittles."

Toby and I looked at each other and sighed. Most therapists here are notorious for undermining the staff's authority by buying off the kids. They see it as an easy way to calm a kid. However, it teaches the kids that if they just wait long enough and for the right person, they can get away with misbehavior and ultimately get rewarded for it. This makes our job of setting limits and following through with consequences, if necessary, much harder. Not to mention that we run the risk of assault when we try to enforce rules the kids are conditioned to think are irrelevant.

Toby reached into his pockets and pulled out a pair of latex gloves. With a sigh of frustration he snapped them on and said, "Me and Stokie will take it from here, Nancy. One thing we definitely won't do is make deals with him so that he gets his way."

Nancy, again nodding, said, "Hmm, yeah, I hear you, Toby. What I hear you saying is you don't feel like Rasmus should be making deals. Right? Well, I'll tell you what. This isn't Rasmus' deal, this will be my deal. Just for today because Rasmus is feeling a little nervous about being here."

She offered Rasmus some Skittles and he turned over and sat down on the edge of the bed and gobbled them down.

Nancy said, "Rasmus is having a hard day, aren't you Rasmus? Can you explain in your own words to these nice counselors how you got here today?"

"Hell no, I ain't saying shit."

Toby piped up, "You know something Rasmus? All you need is some good, old-fashioned discipline. I'll tell you one thing, just because a therapist is here doesn't mean I'm gonna take that attitude from you. I don't care who is here, you can be respectful or you can go sit by yourself in the Quiet Room."

Rasmus immediately stood back up on his head. "I'm gonna kill myself! If you come close to me, I'll let go and break my neck!"

Nancy said, "Okay, okay, I hear what you're saying Rasmus." She turned to us. "Rasmus and I were just having a really productive conversation about his trip over here. He had been in Juvenile Hall for a couple of weeks before his social worker was able to place him here. Well Rasmus didn't want to come here, did you Rasmus? And although it doesn't seem fair to me, his social worker told Rasmus that they were going on a trip to 7-11. But instead of 7-11, they came here."

I could hear Toby whisper between clenched teeth, "Fucking social workers..."

Nancy continued, "And Rasmus feels like he may have missed out on something he really wanted to do. Rasmus, is there anything else you would like to say about that? I can understand if you have some hurt feelings surrounding this issue. Sometimes things happen in life that we can't control and we don't feel like it's fair. Isn't that right?"

"I gotta take a piss!" said Rasmus. "You have to let me take a piss!"

"You don't run the show here, Rasmus," said Toby. "The adults do. Not you. You can sit there on your bed and wait patiently for five minutes. That way we can see that you're calm and not just messing around."

Nancy turned to Toby. "You know something? I'm really feeling like Rasmus wants to be trusted. You know, that feeling where you can say something and everyone knows you're telling the truth? I really feel like Rasmus can be trusted to go pee-pee if he needs to do that."

Toby and I shook our heads. "I don't," I said.

"Well, today," said Nancy in her most hopeful nasal whine, "we're going to show Rasmus that we think we can trust him. Rasmus? Can we trust you to go pee-pee without having any more problems?"

"Hell yeah you can trust me. Now let me go take a piss. Damn."

Nancy nodded in agreement. "Okay, okay, good. Now, let's just walk down the hall to the bathroom." We all walked down the hallway, Rasmus marching in front and the adults following as if in a parade. Rasmus entered the bathroom and shut the door.

Nancy approached Toby and me. "You know something? I really feel like we made some progress today. It's so important for a child to know he's trusted and liked. I'm sensing you guys feel the same way. Well, isn't this why we enjoy working with children so much? We're really making a difference in their lives. In fact, I'm getting the chills just thinking about it. Anyway, I'm glad we could work out that little problem. Now I have another client to see but I'll check in with Rasmus tomorrow. Thanks for your help, guys." With that, she slipped out of the house.

I turned to Toby. "I think the really bright psychologists wind up with private practices, the ones who graduate toward the bottom of the class wind up working at places like this."

Just then, Toby looked down at his feet. A steady stream of urine passed under the bathroom door and settled under his shoes.

Toby burst into the bathroom where Rasmus was standing on top of the toilet, still pissing.

"You little punk! If you're gonna act like a dog, I'm gonna treat you like a dog!" Toby lunged at Rasmus, picked him up, turned him upside down and pushed his face into the puddle of piss. "This is how you train a dog not to pee in the house. Even you can learn something here!" He then carried Rasmus into the Quiet Room and plopped him down unceremoniously.

"Let me ask you something, Rasmus. Anyone ever dip you into your own piss before?"

Rasmus spoke with a blank expression and wide eyes. "No sir, they didn't. Not even the cops. I ain't ever doin' that again."

"Damn straight you're not. Now get your shit together and get in the shower."

"Yes sir, I will. I ain't ever doin' that again."

I'm happy to report that Toby never had to resort to dipping Rasmus into his own piss again.