Love Mail

A Message From Stokie:

I want to thank everybody who has been writing in. I really do make an effort to respond to each message, question, complaint or rave I receive. Thanks, and enjoy the site.

#1: Hello Mr. Jaye,

I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know how fantastic it is that you're writing on this blog. I actually come from the flip-side of this particular coin; I was a resident for several years in various group homes.

I was never as 'low-functioning' as the boys you write about, but I lived with many, many guys who were over the years. From what I can tell from your stories, you are the kind of staff we all loved; the kind who didn't work there for 2 weeks and decide he couldn't take it, the kind who didn't take shit from kids but wasn't abusive either.

Since I'm sure you're going to get plenty of hate-mail in the ensuing weeks and months from people who have never seen what happens in a group home and are 'morally outraged' at what you write, I just wanted to let you know that at least one person thinks what you're doing is terrific; not just the writing I mean (although that is great too, it lets people get a glimpse of what happens in these places) but also that you've continued to work at your group home for as long as you have, despite the shit that those rotten little bastards give you day after day. (And I mean that as a term of endearment; I was one of those rotten little bastards.)

I would be honored if you'd post this in your Love Mail section.

Best of luck to you and especially to your boys, and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

#2: Hi-

In the past I tutored elementary school boys aged 4-6 who were developmentally handicapped...most came from broken homes, crack whores, the like...as you said "this is what happens". They were little, had some fledgling emotional problems, and I hope their parent(s) let them stay in the special programs. They certainly wouldn't have made it in "normal" classrooms.

I was a summer camp counselor for United Cerebral Palsy...most of the kids came from good families, 2 parents, nice clothes, fresh balanced lunches, good meds. Some of them didn't. They had addicts for mothers, who stole their meds, gave them poptarts for lunch, didn't wash them, and dressed 13 year olds in depends and too-small tshirts.

I was also a camp counselor. Plain old 4-H camp...for "normal farm kids". Except for Eric, whose mother sexually abused him, Eric on Prozac and Ritalin, Eric who tried to hook other kids with fishing hooks and started rubbing his genitals while talking to female counselors, Eric who ran (well, walked) away while calling us "slutty whores" and "faggy ass-pirates". None of these kids had fault in their fate, but they were stuck with huge mental, emotional, even physical problems forever. I'm glad you do what you do, and I wish more people would try to help these kids.

I am so glad you're posting these stories! Most people never see these kids, any of them, and remain blissfully unaware of problems that are happening everywhere, right under their noses. I hope you're able to keep this site up. I'm sure the people that need to read it most will be the ones to misinterpret it the worst, but I think you're doing a good thing. The truth hurts, but sometimes it's funny as hell too. After all, if you can't laugh you'll cry...and I know this too well.

Now I'm a waitress and veterinary technician (god bless that liberal arts BS)...I've found humor in some messed up situations. Also, sorry this is so long!

Take care, and thank you!

#3: I like this site and tardblog. they're both amusing, but both very serious.

The people who send Hate Mail are generally people who don't even read the 'stories' that are "so offensive" to them.

It bothers me that a person, such as yourself, who is offering to share experiences most of us only view in fleeting still lifes would be berated and looked down upon.

You make it understandable, you give us a way to see what you, and your kids, must live with. You help us accept them as people who do things differently for a variety of generally unpleasant reasons.

To those who would scorn you for the gift you offer society, I say "look again at what this person offers you". I would say 'cast not the first stone' but these people are the self righteous kind who want to close public petting zoos and ban loud music.

I wish the best to you and your site.

#4: Hey there, I just happened upon your website today and while reading the stories I got a rush of flashbacks from my group home...our boys are 10-14 and as messed up as they could be. I know your pain and you are doing a great thing...even though it is the worst fucking job ever! Thanks for your stories.

#5: I thought this was one of the funniest sites ever along with the saddest. The children are real and so are the parents. I worked with children like those but more often parents and as funny as I thought they were I kept to myself because I never thought I would come acrossed people who saw it the same way. I got a good chuckle. Keep it up, you might be one of the few who keeps that job for an extended amount of time because of it. Maybe the state will start paying accordingly??? Lets hope so!

#6: I don't think that i have ever laughed so hard before. I was sitting here at the office with tears running down my face. Well written. I have a friend that used to work in such a place.

#7: Thanks for the website. It brings back many many memories of my own time working with such kids. The best way to get through it is with humor, and you're right on track by telling your stories. After all, if you can't laugh about it what else do you have? You'd be as crazy as they are if you didn't let it out.

Keep up the good work, and keep the stories coming. If for no other reason, it makes me love my current job all the more right now knowing i'm not cleaning up shit pants or dealing with oversexed teenagers.

#8: I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this website. I interned with a friend for our senior year of college at two sites, a Juvenile Detention site much like your group home, and a county prison unit that housed kids who had been tried as adults. Faced a lot of similar circumstances to yours, as well as some unique to being a 23-year old "college girl" working in an all-male environment. At the end of the day, we found that it was necessary for us to laugh at some of the stuff, death threats, etc...b/c it was the only way to inject levity into what is otherwise a very challenging job. And no-one else seemed to understand why we found some of the stuff that happened to us funny. I admire you for working in a site for 10 years...my career path took me elsewhere, counseling and advocating for military teens. Hats off to you and the dedicated staff who stay with you and commit to those kids.

#9: HI! I was surfing one day and came across your website, after reading your entries and the the love/hate mail, I decided that I should drop you a line as well. I also have worked in a group home much similar to the one you do, though, I worked with grown developmetally delayed adults. I Love your website! Keep up the good work.

I, unlike yourself, could not work in these types of enviroments after I got the shit beat out of me... daily... Anyways keep the good times rollin'!

#10: I had no idea what went on in these homes until reading your site. People never think about what happens to those poor kids who had the bad luck to be born into such awful families. I'm glad people like you are there to care for them. You must be very patient, and you must have a nose of iron!

#11: Stokie, I just saw a link to your blog on Linkfilter, checked it out, and ended up reading every entry compulsively. That's how good it is.

I'm an RN. I work on a medical ward of a hospital. About 15 years ago, I worked in a group home for the 'retarded', while obtaining my first degree. This was a wonderful job that convinced me to go into nursing. My group home manager described our 3 residents as "superclients" in testimony to their lovability. Nevertheless, we still had plenty of drama, like one of the residents tearing her clothes off, and running around the house, naked and screaming, when she did not want to go to her "vocational workshop" in the morning. I always empathized with her; who doesn't feel like that before work some days?

When I graduated, I moved back home and went to work as a night shift "floater" between 2 different group homes while I took nursing courses. They were both the group homes from hell; one had a microwave bolted to the counter, to prevent one of the residents from throwing microwaves again. At the other, I had a resident who liked to fingerpaint with his shit when he was upset that we wouldn't let him smoke.

Lacking other salable skills( I was a philosophy major, fer crissakes ), I fled, in absolute desperation, to the first high-paying job with health benefits that I could get - as an aide in the local state psychiatric ward. This actually turned out to be an improvement over my previous job, thank God, and I stayed there until I graduated.

I mention all this only to say that - although I've never worked with emotionally disturbed teenagers - I feel like I can really appreciate the type of things you're writing about. Nowadays, I'm a total internet junkie, and I've never seen anything like this online before. You write about this so well, with a great mixture of humor, compassion, concision, and appreciation for the weirdness of it all. You are truly talented. I can't wait to read your next story! I hope you write a book someday.

Thanks for helping me decompress after a rough shift.

#12: Sad and funny all at once, and some of the best writing I've read. As for the hate mailers, they can put up or shut up. I was never in a group home, but I was in a mental hospital for a bit in my teens and I will say that it takes a saint (or at least one brave son of a bitch) to deal with kids in those situations, and try to make their lives at least somewhat tolerable.

Kudos on the field trips too. That's more than we ever got in the crazy house.

#13: As someone who personally knows the author of SlowChildren-AtPlay, I must confirm that everything he writes about are his own true experiences. No one could possibly make this up.

I hope that through the Author's entries people can get a morbid laugh at the same time realize how widespread child abuse is. These kids come from families who more than likely live in your neighborhood. Since we can't start demanding that people obtain a license before they have kids (oh god-how I would support that legislation), please keep your eyes open to what's going on in your neighborhoods and in your children's schools. The abuse inflicted on children is never a "private family matter" because as you can read, the abuse does not limit itself to a family.

The Author is a good person with a wonderful sense of humor who has gotten through 10+ YEARS of this shit by laughing about it. Working there has taken its toll and I commend Author for being able to cope through a sick sense of humor that leaves me in stitches every time.

#14: As someone who personally knows the author of SlowChildren-AtPlay, I must confirm that everything he writes about are his own true experiences. No one could possibly make this up.

I hope that through the Author's entries people can get a morbid laugh at the same time realize how widespread child abuse is. These kids come from families who more than likely live in your neighborhood. Since we can't start demanding that people obtain a license before they have kids (oh god-how I would support that legislation), please keep your eyes open to what's going on in your neighborhoods and in your children's schools. The abuse inflicted on children is never a "private family matter" because as you can read, the abuse does not limit itself to a family.

The Author is a good person with a wonderful sense of humor who has gotten through 10+ YEARS of this shit by laughing about it. Working there has taken its toll and I commend Author for being able to cope through a sick sense of humor that leaves me in stitches every time.

#15: hello, i am 15 and am from a privliged middle-class family with 2 loving parents. i had no idea about this stuff until i started reading tard-blog and slow children at play. both you and riti have opened my eyes to a new kind of poverty, the poverty of being disabled. the storys are both educating and funny as fuck. please keep writing and please keep laughing your ass off and ill keep laughing mine off.

#16: hi my name is mike and i am actually disabled. i suffer from a serious stutter. I just wanna say it is very funny to hear some of these people bitch to you about making fun of retards because at least you work with them and actually try to make their lives better, all these people do is judge everyone and get angry when we try to have a good laugh. keep it up, those assholes need to chill out anyways.

#17: My girlfriend worked in a home exaclty like the one you describe save two things. First, the children were all girls and second it was run by a huge hospital conglomerate which, for the most part, was paid very well by the children's insurance policies (indidently, she was paid very, very poorly). She never was able to find the humor and develop the cynicism which seems necessary to cope with your job. She was upset nearly all the time and often lashed out at me. This nearly cost us our now 4 year long relationship. I applaud your efforts and wish you the best of luck. Your critics simply do not understand the real truth of your plight.

#18:

My hat goes off to Stokie! I tried to work at a place for the handicapped, no where near the level you guys have to do it and could not handle it emotionally. I went home and sobbed like a baby at these poor peoples plight. Anyone who can stay in your profession for as long as you have deserve the highest respect and adoration. God bless you for your kindness and good heart. Any complainers out there obviously has NEVER worked in a similar environment and are simply narrow minded. If any out there wish to complain about this site, volunteer at a mentally handicapped place for an 8 hour shift before making judgement! Complainers are getting there reward in full as life will never get better for them. WAKE UP CALL COMPLAINERS "this is as good as it's gonna get for you"! As for gentlemen like Stokie, the best is yet to come for you guys, keep up the good work!

#19

Yeah, guess I just wanted to make said point. On one hand, TWO hate mail, around 19 love mail.....do the math, it's impressive.

You put a humorous light on what is NOT funny, but as you say, all you can do is laugh. I can only imagine how much your job must suck, and give you full credit for sticking in there, and giving these kids something better than they would have otherwise. (or more "normal" in any case.)

Good job, keep it up.

#20

My mother's a legal-drug abusing alcoholic, my father lives overseas
to get away from her. My brother was court ordered (at age 15) to,
what I call, a Behavior Modification Camp for drug use and grand theft
auto. I like to pretend, for whatever reason, I turned out normal:
I'm going for BAs in Political Science and English. Maybe I am.
Anyway, enough of that, I want to thank you for your stories. They
make me laugh, which helps put all the things I've had to deal with in
a good light. Okay, better light. I'm actually surprised that more
hatemail hasn't been posted, maybe enough people have read the
lovemail to realize that what they think is exploitaion is really some
semblance love and understanding. Thanks again.

#21

When I first stumbled upon your site, I did not know what to think.
Sure this was very far fetched and seemed highly offensive, but it
also showed a mature, responsible adult in a world where they are
almost obsolete. I love your stories (I have worked with special needs
children in previous years, but no longer do), so i can relate from
hearing how kids may be beaten or oversexualized etc. etc. But not
once did i see a child who had been prostituted or been subjected to
many of the things you claim the boys have lived with. Nonetheless, I
commend you on such a wonderful site and for your helping with the
boys, a task that most people do not realize is more difficult then it
seems.


#22
Hi,

I stayed up way past my bedtime to read the entire blog. I think it's
great. I think you must have some extreme amounts of... patience?
stupidity? determination? personal character? to do what you do.

More props to you,


#23
wow! i just wanted to add my two cents and say that i love your site,
and keep up the good work. i was never in a group home, but was at
one point in a "mental health facility" where a lot of abused/anger
management kids ended up. the staff there had a lot to deal
with--kids throwing tantrums and throwing chairs, things like that.
and i'd imagine that you have it 97649 times worse at your group home!

anyway, i guess i'd like to congratulate you on 10+ years of working
with kids who really need help. you must have nerves of steel. the
best of luck to you and all your kids!

#24

I love the site. I work in a group home myself, with kids from the
ages of 5-17. Boys and girls. The only reason I didn't call bullshit
on half of the stories is because I've been punched, bit, kicked, hit,
and walked in on some...delicate situations. Like the kid laying naked
on the floor with his thumb up his own butt. When I asked what
happened he said "I fell".
It takes a special kind of person to do this work, especially for ten years.

#25
Hey there,

I work at a children's day camp in Toronto. It's a fairly expensive
camp to attend because it's a cutting edge computer and technology
camp. Surprisingly, this attracts a fair amount of campers with
various challenges in their background. Autism. Asperger's. ADHD. ADD.
Behaviour problems. They al llove our camp because they love the crazy
gadgets. We have a very successful history with working with them, and
I take inspiration from Mr. Jaye's patience with his charges who are
much more challenged then mine.

Good job.

#26
I also work in a similar area, dealing with chronically mentally ill
17-50 year olds (nothing mixes better than schizophrenia and ADHD with
a dose of antisocial personality disorder thrown in). I find it quite
amusing that most of your love mail comes from people who have been
there and worked in the situation. We know how hard it is to deal
with, recognise that you do a good job, and know that it's ok for us
to laugh, 'cause we're a part of the solution.

The hate mail (all 2 of them) obviously have little idea. Keep at it,
I look forward to updates.

#27
Stokie,

You're fucking hilarious. I always read your blog when I'm supposed to be studying/writing a paper/something important and it is by far the best distraction ever.

Keep on keepin' on.

UVA loves you!

#28
I really enjoy your blog. It makes me laugh and it shocks me at the same time. Great combination. My father and aunt are in mental health, so this all sounds very familiar, but I think they left out a few things out. Keep them coming. I check your site every few days to check and see if there's a new entry.

I wonder though, some of these boys seem so... for lack of a better phrase 'not right', after they are eighteen, does the state help them continue therapy, or are they pretty much on their own? PLEASE tell me Kyle's mom is rotting her fat ass in jail right now. That sick bitch needs to have about a trillion jail house beat downs. Get back to me back if you have an opportunity.

#29
I like reading your page better than Tucker Max's. I hope you get laid too sometimes because you seem like you deserve it.

#30

dude, i used to work at a group home, children's village in NY, best known b/c DMX is an alumni, reading your shit brings back memories, the way you put that shit to paper makes it sound like you kinda know what you're doing with those kids, plus most of that shit is hilarious, group homes are notorious for fuckin up the kids even better, and most people that work those places don't have a clue, don't give a shit, or got their own issues. . . keep writing more stories, don't get lazy, keep the people posted, i know you got some real dirt, maybe even some horrible shit, that place is a goldmine so get serious and write that shit down son.

#31
-----
Much of what i've read is fascinating and a little frustrating. A lot of the bureaucracy you have to deal with in the workplace seems to be so detrimental to the progress you guys have... I can't imagine what kind of moronic administrators you might have :-/ I suppose that is the way it can be with most government work... and without enough funding or attention to your program there isn't much that can be done. There are greater sorrows in the world, but warped kids struggling to really live while people care for them daily... Well it isn't something easily ignored. It makes me consider doing something like this when i'm out of college... I know it doesn't pay well and is probly worse than i can imagine, but it IS something i think needs to be improved. I imagine you've tried to appeal to the state and all that jazz and it just all lead to naught... :-/

Anyway... my original intent was just to ask why Guru isn't mentioned anymore? Does he work in a different area or what is his deal? Maybe i missed something. Another question: Since the program is religiously affiliated, do the kids get exposure to religious teachings and whatnot? You said there was an adjoined Chapel or such but never really made mention of how that affects their lives. I imagine they wouldn't take well to it... Just curious.

#32
I have never been able to read an entire blog in its entirety, especially if it had multiple pages. This due to the fact that most people that take the time to "write blogs" have no real topic to center on. I loved actually finishing the blog because it was ended (or I should say last updated) with a catchy phrase that even I will probably be saying & laughing my ass off about....Yagadagap. I now have a deeper appreciation for what my mom does, which is teach Special Ed at a high school. She doesn't have it nearly as hard as you guys, but I never would've imagined that got AS bad as it does, at all!!!! Good Job, I'm glad its you & not me....I couldn't do it in a million years.

Very well written I might add.

#33
A friend showed me Tuckers site I thought it was to funny.I read all of it then went to bunny's its pretty good to but you my friend take the whole damn cake... Hurry up and post some new material

#34
This site is the fucking shit.
Funniest shit I've read since the tard blog!
Please, Please write more. I haven't laughed like that in a long time!

#35
I have read pretty much all of your entries and I think that they are hilarious. My mother is a teacher and used to teach special education, so I definitely respect the profession and know a little about what it means to deal with kids on a daily basis. Thanks for doing what you do; your blog illustrates some of the frustrations of the most underappreiated job in the country while being quite funny. Talk as much trash about those kids as you want, it's not like many other people have the courage to care for them.

#36
Please update the archive already! My girlfriend works in a similar group home situation in England, so we've been using your stories for educational purposes. In fact, we think your kids and her kids ought to team up and share ideas or something.

#37
Ill just start out by saying I think what you do is extremely important and admirable. Specifically working for your organizations, but also keeping light on tragic situations. I was reading your first archive and it seemed that you may have something to say about being smart about chosing and using a college degree wisely. I am interested in a job in either non profits or special education and I was curious on what you had to say about getting there and what kind of person it takes to get into those fields. Or even just words of wisdom for careers and college in general. Id love to hear from you if you have the time. Thanks for everything you do!

#38
I just want you to know that I LOVE your entries and you should make more of them. I was in a similar institution recently and can relate to the stories you write. Thanks for the laughs, i think there's an underlying humor that only someone who's been there can relate to.

#39
Hey, today I just read the entire archive again. I just wanted to point out that Toby, the militaristic cleaner guy, is a fucking awesome councillor. Judging by what you've written about him, he gets results when it comes to misbehavior. I can definitely identify with that guy because like him, my parents believed in discipline and I wouldn't have turned out as well as I have if not for that fact. Unfortunately today there is a very thin line between abuse and discipline, and a lot of people fail to see that line. I find that a lot of parents assume that any physical discipline is abuse, I disagree. When I was a bad kid, my parents sometimes slapped, or spanked me. I hated it and resented them at the time, but now that I've grown up and look back on it, I wonder how I might have turned out with no fear of repercussion. I have neighbors who I used to hang out with as kids that were as bad as you can get, but the parents never disciplined them and the mother in particular refused to believe anything that anyone told her about them, citing that "her angels" would never do anything like that. Today? Neither of them have a full time job and both have spent time in jail for assualt, break and enter, and in the case of one of their friends, violent abuse of his girlfriend and other peoples posessions. The "bad kids" father actually asked my father at one point why his children turned out so well, and his turned out so badly. It just goes to show the difference that proper discipline can make. To this day I love my parents and I thank them for showing me right from wrong. Sorry for the life story, but I just wanted to give you some perspective on Toby's disciplenary attitude. Its one that I agree with wholeheartedly(feel free to tell him that if you like). I also wanted to mention that it was awesome that you actually sent me a reply to my last message, and that you actually came through with two updates!

That said, after reading the last two, I hope they wont be "THE" last updates. I hope everything works out for you better than what its looking like right now.

Keep the good stuff coming,

#40
Dude- I feel like I know you after reading your stories. I thought I had good stories about living with emotionally disturbed kids in the wilderness for two years and severly profoundly mentally challanged adults for five. You should make this into a book.

The hardest part is to get people to laugh at some of these insanely funny moments. Keep it up and I am impressed you are still at it. I burned out and got an easier job.

#41
I think the hate mail is hilarious, what dumb shits. Anyways, nice work with the kids, sounds like you put up with a lot of shit. You should consider being a dog trainer or something, sounds about the same. Might pay better too.

#42
I enjoyed reading the stories on Slow Children and found them to be shocking and informative. Thanks for being so brutally honest. I appreciate people being real, especially when it is not politically correct to do so. That is what we need more of in our society the unvarnished truth.

#43
I picked up a link to Tard-Blog before I encountered your site, and I could only read a few stories on Tard-Blog before I felt very saddened and angry at the way that Author handles her problem kids, though I can appreciate her sharing the stories.

Your stories, on the other hand, I am loving intensely. I do not feel that you take advantage of or mistreat your boys in ANY way. Never once do you use demeaning language when telling their stories. You act appropriately, and as a leader. You don't judge these kids, or their parents. You simply acknowledge what is. You don't even seem to attempt humor, at least none that I can detect, and I wholeheartedly thank you for it.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate having the privileged opportunity to read your site. I am looking to go into a similar field of social-behavioral work; either some type of family/marriage counseling, violence/abuse counseling, etc. I think that reading these stories is helping me to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable situations I will undoubtedly be confronted with one day.

You are an angelic soul for helping these kids, and for enlightening others who may not be as strong and durable as you are.

Thank you.

#43 1/2
Okay, so I see that you *do* use humor in your stories. But what I like about the humor you use is that while it's dry and sarcastic, it's still never insulting to the boys. Maybe to some of the Staff, who seem to deserve it, but not the boys.

I am so very hooked on your site.

***Thank you for addressing the humor issue. After reading your first message, I was sure that I must really suck. -Stokie


#44
Stokie,

I am a senior at Eastern New Mexico University. I am a psychology major. For a long time I never knew what I would like to do with my life after I got out of college until I found this site. Your postings are wonderful. I really think that being a counsilor in a group home or something along those lines would be wonderful for me.

I am just curious if you were a psych major also. Is there a big demand for counsilors in group homes in today's job market? Any information that you can give me would be great. I know the job wouldn't be all fun and games but I do think that I would be cut out for it.

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear back from you soon.

#45
Just to say that your website has made my day. For the last 4 years I've been working at a special school in Birmingham, England. It's a school for pupils aged 11-18 with moderate learning difficulties and associated emotional and behavioural problems. Whilst clearly not as tough as your home that you work in, it can still be emotionally and physically exhausting. After a hard day's slog today it was so refreshing to find your site and see someone going through similar experiences. Keep up the good work, its very clear that you care a great deal about these little bleeders. But you are right, you have to laugh otherwise you'd cry yourself to sleep every evening.

#46
Just thought I'd let you know that I absolutely love the site. I found you through Tucker's site (like pretty much everyone, I'm sure), but I think I enjoyed reading your stuff as much or more than I do his. Keep up the good work!

#47
i want to thank you, this stuff is the most entertaining and inspirational stuff on the net.

#48
Dear Mr. "Jaye"
I'm an avid reader of all of the Festering Ass sites. Your stories provide me with the most entertainment and enjoyment. I check your site nearly daily, hoping for a new story. Thank you so much for sharing your stories with the rest of us.

I am no stranger to state-funded mental health organizations; perhaps I should say state "funded". Anyway, I really wish everyone could read your stories. Not everyone can ever know about the absurdity you guys deal with.

You're doing ALL of us, not just the kids, an incredible service. Please don't ever stop.

#49
great webpage. when i stumbled upon it i was looking for something more Tucker Max style. though as I read every entry in a short period of time, I became intrigued with each story that was told. The only thing that pisses me off is the people who write "love mail" and merely talk about themselves....whoa guy.....I think you should take care of them as well.

Keep up the good work.

#50
good stuff here at your site. entertaining, a little sad at times, but most of all real and unsentimental. an insight into a world few of us know about but which exists in every community.

#51
Oh my goodness, I've just spent a better half of my day reading your stories and mostly laughing my ass off...

Well, earlier we got a 3lb bag of M&M's with an office supply order an I gave them to my mom and she says "OOH PEANUT M&M's are better than sex!" and the first thing out of my mouth without even thinking..."WHOA GUY! I'm not like that!" I've told all my friends about your site and how hilarious it is. I can't stop laughing. I'm sitting at my desk saying "Whoa Guy!" and laughing.

Thank you for sharing your every day life with us. What you do really takes a lot of patience & I'm glad it's you doing it not me

#51
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I just read about twenty consecutive blogs yours from your archives and I had to stop to tell you so. I didn't even read Tucker Max's stories with this kind of vigor when i first visited his page.

My brother used to work in a home just like you do. He only stayed about two years though. And he was also at the highest stage with both violent and mentally unstable kids that were literally one step away from jail or an asylum.

You write a great blog. It's touching and funny. Most of all, I praise your honesty.

Anyways, keep up the good work, both online and in the home.

#52
I read this site as often as I can. I've even re-read some of the stories, I love them so much. I really enoy your writing style, and how you keep everything realistic. You're actually telling it the way it is, which is awesome. So yeah, I have a question for ya. Did you go through any specific training or courses to land your job? I'm taking Developmental Services in the hopes of one day working in a group home like yours. I was just wondering if the course is actually of any use to me. Didnt you land the job without any stupid diploma in one of these courses? if so, you just saved a year of my life!!

Your stories really bring a laugh to my day, keep them coming!

#53Thank you for working with these children and for writing this blog. Kids like the ones you work with are invisible to the public and shouldn't be. Hopefully your humor and good writing will draw more into learning about what adults really do to kids.

#54
I'm really enjoying reading through the archives of SC-AP. It is by turns inspiring, heartbreaking and funny as fuck. (Kind of like life...) You have all my respect and admiration for your work in caring for those boys. I've been a CNA for going on 11 years now and I know what it's like to work in the trenches, where the shit (literally!) hits the fan on a regular basis.

Hang in and hang on, and thanks again for sharing your writing here.

#55
Hi.

Love the stories. Simple question; It's the first time I've heard about someone not from Denmark that's called Rasmus. Rasmus isn't a common name in the US is it?

#56
Just wanted to say, Kudos to you sir, being able to keep your sanity and sense of humour whilst dealing with incredible emotional stresses and the illness and pain of these kids.

My stepson is adhd add and bipolar and reading this site has given me some insights into why he behaves the way he does at times. The bargaining, the threats, the explosive nature, the 'fag' and in appropriate sexuality comments. It brings things into a sharp relief and I think Im now starting to be able to understand and perhaps deal with his issues on a better level.

Thank you for your postings, theyre fascinating on many levels, inspiring on others. Keep on keeping on Stokie, the worlds a slightly better place for you being in it.

#57
I just wanted to let you know that I really respect you. You seem like the type of person that actually cares about what you do and really wants to help the kids that you work with. I just read the entire archive of your experiences at your job and I think you've got an incredable ability to look at what seems like a hopless situation in a posive way and I think that is a rare thing. Keep up the good work.

#58
I have been reading the stories on your site for the past hour or so, and I must say that I find them incredibly fascinating. It is hard to believe what some of these kids have been through, but I am sure that things like this do exist. I think what you're doing here is a good thing, most people don't realuze how screwed-up the world can be sometimes. However, I had a couple questions for you. First, how much of this site do you yourself write, and how much does Tucker Max contribute? Also, do the kids know about this? Just wondering. Keep up the good work. I looke forward to hearing form you. Thanks for the stories.

#59
I used to work with kids who had brain injuries. From reading all the blog entries, I've found that there are more than a few similarities. I know what it's like to break in new staff and I very quickly came to appreciate working with seasoned veterans. Like you mentioned in the last entry, when the kids go off, you can't be expected to go by the book (try putting a 250 lb "kid" in a basket hold as he's trying to gouge you with a fork because he cant have 3 platefuls of spaghetti). Sucks losing good staff for bad reasons.

#60
I recently completed you blog, and I want to say that the people who send hate mail should open their eyes. I think that you are an awesome person for having lasted this long in such a career. Each of those boys is lucky to have you, Mel, Gus, etc. looking after them. I was truly sad that Guru was transfered. He was obviously a person that care about those boys, his tactics may have been questionable but I've heard and witnessed much worse.

For all of those who can't believe these stories are true...wake the FUCK UP!! Not every kid grows up like the Cleavers, your not gonna find the Beave("Whoa guy.") massaging his prostate on a door knob; if he did Ward would have sent him to Stokie!! This is reality, pull your head out of your ass and take a whiff.

Congrats Stokie on all of your accomplishments, I'm glad I got to "share in your experiance". Hee..

#61
i read some of your love mail and mine will probably read like alot of them. im 19 yrs old and i work in a residential home for mentally challenged adults. i love my job. i love the ladies i work with. i hate the admin staff they screw us one-to-one staff hardcore. so when your talkin about the cut in medical benefits i feel your pain. i get paid so little i cant even afford the health insurance. i just wanted to say thank you soooo much for letting people know what the hell is really goin on. its really tough at my job watching some of the people come in who get hired to be a warm body cuz i really do loev the ladies i work with. i just wanted to say great job i wish there were more people like you in the world who really are in it for the people we serve.

#62
I work in a vocational progam with adults who have developmental dissabilites. I have been puked on, spit on, had various bodily fluids either smeared or thown on me, hit, punched, kicked, and bitten. I say I have it easier than you Stokie. Most of the people i work with have only one major issue, where as you seem to be dealing with a mulitude of problems. I love reading all of the entries on this site, because it makes me feel as tho i am not alone in the battle. You have respect for the people you work with, and that is to be comended. I have been working in this field for four years, and at 25 i think it is my destiny to make it a career.

Oh, and i totaly understand how hard it can be when staff that is hired is in more need of service than the client's.

Keep sharing the adventures

#63
I love your blog. I just started reading it and I can't stop!

Having worked with head-injured adults as well as developmentally disabled kids, I wish I could tell your detractors that your stories are totally real. I have some funny (and sad) ones myself and the people I worked with were nowhere near the level of your kids. I think people must be so horrified that these situations exist that it is easier to deny it, and pretend that you are making things up, than to believe the (depressing) truth. But if you don't laugh, and learn to see the humor in the darkest places, you will lose your mind. I think I tell myself that at least once a week, sometimes multiple times a day. And I don't even work with kids any more! Though I do work as a reality TV producer, and now that I think about it, there are many behavioral similarities...

Anyway, my question for you is: what usually happens to these kids? do they reach a certain age and go somewhere else? I just think about them reaching the age of 18 and I hope and pray that they aren't dumped out on the street in the real world with nothing (unless they've made enough progress)...

Anyway, thanks again for your brilliant blog. This is way more interesting (to me) than Tucker Max!

#64
I worked two years at a boy's ranch for SED kids 8-18, running an equestrian program for those guys who could maintain an acceptable standard of behavior.

Every single incident in your blog happened to me, and dozens more. I have the bite marks to prove it. those who say you are lying don't realize you are sugar-coating some of the worst incidents. Some of those boys have some horrific stories.

Those kids really get under your skin. I miss a lot of them, and one has remained a friend to this day - he's going into law enforcement!

Best of luck with your career. Hard work.

#65
I have finally finished reading all the entries and I applaud what you have done. That is a tough job and I could never do the service that you have done. I wish you luck in the future because you are funny and compassionate. Thanks for the funny reads and the dose of reality. I am sorry to hear about Guru. It is a shame when those ignorant of that which is necessary, ruins it for everyone actually making some progress. Best wishes on any future book sales!

#66
Hey, I felt compelled to write in and let you guys know that this is, by far, my favorite Festoring Ass site. I found your stories both compelling and saddening at the same time.

Your website also did a lot more than amuse me. It also helped me further discern what area I wanted my career path to go in. After reading these stories and mulling it over in my mind, I have decided to shift my "social services" career into this type of focus.

Thanks for sharing these stories, for they are as much the children's stories as well as yours. (The funny part is that I hate normal kids, and I hate dealing with them. For some reason I can only handle retarded children and emotionally fucked up kids. I found this out when I had to do community service and chose to work with handicapped children and teach them how to ride horses. )

#67
I just want to say that you and your site are awesome, and I think it's good of you to work in such a place for so long and to write about it. I have never seen a group home, so I can't say I know what it's like, but I have an idea. My younger brother has schizophrenia and ADHD, and he's pretty screwed up. Not as bad as the kids you write about, but nearly impossible to deal with. Congratulations for being strong and helping these children. Thank you for making me laugh. I wish you and the children the best.

#69
I have to say I love this site. I wish that you put stories up more often, mainly because I don't have a life. I just started school, and I am planning to get my RN. I have thought about working in a psych ward. your stories make me laugh until I cry. I feel for the boys, and do not exactly envy your position. I am glad that they have someone that is as savy and down to earth as you seem to be to guide them though. I decided to finally send you mail because people that don't suck need a pat on the back now and then. I will be waiting for more stories

#70
I've recently been reading the entries you posted, and I wanted to thank you for all your hard work.

My brother used to live in a group home (he wasn't quite as bad as your boys from what I hear) because of behavioural issues. If not for people like you, who put effort into helping these kids, my brother would never have been able to improve his behaviour, and soon enough come home a little easier to live with.

You should be appreciated for working with these boys for so long (and get a substantial raise).

#71
Hi. A friend of mine forwarded your website to me. I read your 'home page' and I related to every word and emotion. I have an MSW, and I worked in a group home, 40-bed RTC, for ten years. It was my first job out of graduate school. Same population as yours. And I loved every minute of the ten years I spent with the children. Unfortunately our group home closed down after the 'families first' bill passed and foster laws became more lenient in an effor to put the kids in foster homes.
Yes, I believe we might be somewhat crazy for doing it for ten years, but I think passion requires a little bit of insanity!
It is so refreshing to read the words and feel the emotions of someone "fighting the good fight", as one of the staff used to say.
I guess I am writing not only becasue I share in your passion, but also becasue there is no job that I can think of that has more meaning.
I would trade the 'normalcy' for the 'crazy' any day. Keep doing what you are doing.
It takes a very unique person to be able to stay on in that environment for a decade. I watched so many counselors and therapists come and go. Sometimes lasting only a few hours, others a few months. Rarely did anyone make it past one year.
Take Care!

#72
Thank you so much for writing this blog. I worked in a group home for about 5 years and my experiences parallel the ones referred to on your site. I remember my first day, being in the office for a quick break. The phone was sitting in front of me ringing and I didn't even hear it or understand why people were yelling at me to "answer it!" Just such chaos. I recently left the group home but still work as a therapist at a high-risk outpatient program so things haven't changed totally. It use to be so hard to explain why I would come home and be silent, just able to watch the cooking channel at times. To see someone chopping vegetables was the most I could handle sometimes. The work is hard and all-consuming. But the camaraderie and laughs I shared with the staff, and the occasion break throughs with a kid made it all worth it in the end. I'm going to refer my close friends and family to your site so they can see why I was so often anti-social and drained. This was the best thing I have read in a long long time.

#73
I've been reading your blog since it first came out, and I've loved every minute of it.

I spent most of my teenage years in and out of psych hospitals and residential facilities. Some of the most interesting, nicest, and genuinely caring people were the staff and patients that I encountered over the years.

I was lucky that my family cared about me and had the money and education to help me out of my pit of self-destruction. Most of the kids that I knew weren't as lucky.

For every step those boys take forward, their families and histories of abuse and even society itself is going to force them two steps back.

But -- and take my word for it, dammit -- more than a few of those boys are going to remember you years down the line and be thankful that you were there.

#74


Thankyou very much for sharing that last story with us. I really enjoy reading your stories along with tuckers,the bunny and gajin smash. The better and better everyday one was excellent. You haven't really written much on how you've helped the kids, more on how they have been troublesome. I really hope that you stay sane inside insanity and help lots of more of them.

Thanks for sharing

#75


Ack! I hate social workers and therapists who do that shit. It makes the rest of us look stupid and really makes people reluctant to seek help.

That social worker should NEVER have lied to the kid. NEVER.

And that therapist is nothing but an enabler!!!!

I'm sorry you have to work with people like that.

An ideal therapist allows the client to express their feelings/emotions, BUT it's only to have a gage to know where the person is. Letting a person wallow is not helpful. We're supposed to help reframe the client's thinking. We're supposed to sit down and set goals and call the clients on it if they slack off or do something dumb.

I really hope, for the staff and the kiddos that they get better social workers and therapits!

#76
Hi Stokie,

I grew up around kids like this. Hell, I damn near was a kid like this. It makes me very sad that people don't realized that this stuff happens all the time, every day. And unfortunately, most of it goes unnoticed. I'd guess that half the child abuse sufferers out there never came forward, or told anyone about what happened to them. I mean, hell, the cops still don't know about my mom, and she was a freaking nurse, for christsakes.

I grew up on an Indian Reserve, and let me tell you, silence about this kind of stuff is the biggest issue, like if no one talks about it, it's okay, it never happened. It's for that reason, even if this isn't real (which I actually believe it is), that I thank you for writing this, and just having it out there. Child abuse needs to be talked about. People need to know it's out there, and it can happen, and how to spot it, and what to do about it before it's too late.

So, until either legislation is passed to make people take a test to have kids like they would to drive a car, or something like that (which I am 100% in favour of), or humans magically stop abusing their kids (yeah, right), please keep talking about this. If it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to condemn it to abuse; all it takes is saying "Well, that's a family problem, it's none of my business." Right. 'Someone should do something'? Who? When?

Anyway, sorry for turning this into a rant, and again, from the bottom of my twisted little heart, Thank You

#77

I just wanted you to know that I sympathize. I worked in a group home for clients with MR and extreme psychotic illnesses. I only worked there for a few months because I needed to finish school, but I can definitely relate to the stories youve been sharing. It is a totally different world there; when its good its really good, and when its bad, its hell. And I love it...and I miss my girls like crazy. Its awesome to read about someone who had close to the same experiences as I did. After school, I hope to return.

#78
Let me first say that you write very well. Now let me explain, I steal signs as a hobby, funny ones when possible. I have everything from stop signs to a kangaroo crossing I stole out of a local Outback. I was previously aware of the multiple interpretations of the sign "slow children at play", and have one. However, I have never seen one with one person beating another. I know that chances are that you photo shopped it but if the sign on your home page is authentic, I MUST HAVE IT. please respond with its location if its real. Thanks

#79
I found you via the "Tard-Blog." I have mixed reactions to these blogs. At first I was really taken aback by the content and kind of felt offended and thought you and Riti were being unfair and insensitive.

Then I got into the mental health field working in the substance abuse field. It IS a very stressful job, to say the least.

There were funny bits in these blogs, but more than that I see the total breakdown of resources for the people that we help and wonder what can be done to change things for the betterment of those of us who work in these professions and the people we help.
=( There's nothing more frustrating than a person who resists treatment and keeps smashing his head against the same brick wall

#79
Hello, love the site.
I was wondering - do any of the kids you look after ever learn enough to lead a relatively normal life on their own? That is to say, are there any who have been in previously that have now managed to raise a family, get a job, etc?
#80
Don't even ask me why I wanna get into your type of career, I've got my own reasons, and personally, I think my past experiences would serve useful. So my question is this: Say I wanted to work at one of those places. Where would I look in the classifieds? How would I find one of these 'houses?' Any help you can give'd be awesome.
#81
hey i just want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us your stories are touching with a twisted comedic relief that im sure is what keeps you partially sane do you have any suggestions of other sites similar to your own??? also having been an abused child and now a single mom working on a kinesiology degree i can sympathize with both you and some of the kids...its people like you that truly do make a difference
#82
I really like your writing. It gives the reader a great feel for the conflicting and contrasting characters and the constant struggle both against and with the kids you work for - as well as the other problems with new hires, current staff members, and the administration. One question that was never explored in your writing, though, was how you became a writer - that is, how you learned how to write. Did you major or minor in writing when you attended college, or take any advanced literature courses in college? Did you pursue writing as a hobby before you wrote S.C.A.P.? I'm very interested in knowing how you learned to write, if you even had to learn it at all.
#83
First off I have to say I LOVE IT!!! I too work in a group home surrounded by signs that say slow children at play. My co-worker and I joke about how one day the kids are going to get it and be pissed. LOL. Group home stories can be quite unbelieveable sometimes! Keep up the great work.
#84
I just read through the entire archive in one sitting. You have provided me with a great source of entertainment, as well as something I will probably never forget. The stories are both humorous and sad at the same time. I'm sure you get plenty of Love/Hate mail as it is, so I'll wrap it up here.
Much love,
#85
Dear Stokie Jaye,
Your writing is fantastic. It's all I can do to keep myself from staying up all night reading the rest of your archives.
I would pay a pretty penny to buy this if it were a book. Keep writing.
#86
I stumbled upon your site this summer, and I find myself in periods of ennui, overwork, mental frustration reading and re-reading your stuff. Your blog sticks to the old adage "it's funny 'cause it's true." I went through my share of rough times in childhood and adolescence, as I was a premature birth, and I was constantly in "special" environments until my (very supportive, unlike the sad experiences of most of your charges) parents were able to convince them to take me out. I'm on my way to grad school now, but I never forgot some of the kids I had to interact with as a young child. It was very sad, but also very funny. Kudos to you for recognizing the cathartic value of dark humor, and I hope you can keep the strength to keep fighting the good fight for these kids.

KU loves ya!

#87
Hey Stokie. I loved your stories. I worked in a group home with mental patients, and I KNOW this crazy stuff happens....I was simply wondering where you have been? haven't had a new entry in a LONG time....Thanks for the humorous side of this dirty business...
#88
Hey hey Stokie ! Just wanted to let you know what a awesome site you have. I work in the same field, only I work with adult males ages 19-40. I first began reading this and thought..holy shit... has someone been to work with me? At least you guys can prone. Where I work, physical intervention is not allowed, which bites ass. I know of a co-worker who was set on fire, and could't do anything to stop it except for run and lock himself in his vehicle. Keep up the hard work, and the wonderful stories sharing the heartbreak and joys ( and yes some times there are joys) of working with these interesting, challenging, and most definately entertaining group of individuals.
#89
You haven't posted any new stories lately. I really enjoy your stories about your socially backwards kids. You depict a crisis in detail and put in humorous commentary which totally makes this image in my head of what actually happened.
You are a truely remarkable human, it astounds me you have stayed with your job this long.
#90
I once worked at a place like this (and I did wear a fucking bra), but more to the point, this site is important. More people need to see it. In fact, it needs a forum badly. It's the best advice there is for people in your line of work. What DO you do when an 11-year-old swallows tacks, squeezes his own shit through the doorjamb, or sneaks off to fuck other 11-year-olds at every opportunity? I mean, exactly who else is offering this advice in concise and concrete terms? Definitely none of the "training programs" out there. I wish I had seen these stories before I worked at my group home. it would have spared me and the kids some really stupid beginner's mistakes.

Also, a question: I've thought of writing about this kind of thing as well, but I always worried about the kids seeing themselves in print. It would be great to hear your opinion on that, if possible.

Anyway, thanks for your stories. Thanks also for demonstrating how to laugh at something and take it seriously at the same time. More people need to fucking see that, too.

*PS.* On the off-off chance that this is actually Tucker Max? You got me good with this one, but the only hookup story I believe is the one about the pig :)
#91
hey- just wanted to say good job with the kids. I worked with 'homers' myself, and know the kind of shit they can pull. it can be sad (JD and brian both struck a chord with me. i had cases like them.) but at other times, you find yourself wanting to just fall over laughing. we had this one kid that would sing "im in love with a stripper" just to stir shit up.. funny thing was his mom worked at our local bunny club. shit like that used to kill me, and then i'd feel bad about finding it as hilarious as i did.. but after a couple bong hits, who the fuck cared. ..anyways, keep up the good work.. you'll have some good shit to tell the gran kids when you get old and dont give a fuck anymore.
#92
I read about the first 20 stories and have a question. In your stories the kids are always threatening to get staff fired. Has this happened a lot? If so why don't you write about it? If not how do the kids even know this is possible? What would 12 years olds of dubious intelligence know about liability? Who tells them?
#93
Once again, the internet has proven to be a fantastic time waster. Your site/stories makes the day go by sooooo much faster.
Thank you.
And for the people who bitch about your site and say how it's "rude" Don't read it then... Not that hard...
#94
I used to work at a place like yours (I only lasted 6 months, I'm a pussy), and I love your blog. I laugh at all the hate mail you recieve saying your stores aren't real; if they only knew.
I never had shit go down as heavy as you describe (I worked with little kids, ages 5 - 11) but it does remind me of the crazy shit that went on there, both with the kids and administration.
Thanks for the blog, it's nice to know someone out there understands what its like in the mouth of hell.
#95
Despite the fact that I have never truly encountered such a lifestyle as what you record - at least, not memorable enough to note - I enjoy your stories and cheer on the fact that you are one of those rare people who continue to be in these boys' life despite the obvious personal risks. Like many, I surf the Festering Ass site that originated, for me, with TuckerMax.com. Like very few, I take his stories with a grain of salt, not particularly idolizing or demonizing him, however true his most "offensive" stories are.

So it kills me the idiots that clog up your email with their boring, inane questions, i.e. "this website is not real it suxs! LOL!!11" and yet they manage to not die while driving to work/school. When I first started reading this website, after tardblog.com, I recognized a site that had a humour-tinted window into a lifestyle I had no real idea of. I believed. Even if it were to somehow come out these stories were not the least bit true, I would still know that they are real somewhere. There will be children like this, troubled and ignored by most of society, so whether you chose to write "real" stories or not, this will always ring true in the most important way.
Either way, your writing and your chosen vocation has touched me in a real way that those idiots(not giving them the title of cynics, it would be credit toward their intelligence) couldn't concieve of. I don't need your life or work "proved". Just by living it you are doing more for society than any one of your naysayers.
#96
I don't recall how I found the FA/Rudius ring, but I do know that I enjoy all of them. Your blog in particular was always good for a laugh and impressed me with how well you describe yourself under pressure. Until your "Better and better" entry, I really didn't take away anything more than a grin from your stories, but after reading that story I came to realize how much you and the other staff at the home must really care about the kids, regardless of how anyone interprets it. I was very moved, not an easy feat for a grizzled internet veteran.

Anyway, please continue to do your fine work and keep writing. I am glad to know that there are people in your position doing what you do.
#97
I just have to let you know how much I enjoyed reading through Slow Children At Play. Thank dog for people like you, I think you ought to be canonized. I don't think I've felt such a wide range while reading a string of anecdotes: I went from wincing to giggling to crying in a matter of minutes. I just wish there were more.
#98
Thankyou very much for sharing that last story with us. I really enjoy reading your stories along with tuckers,the bunny and gajin smash. The better and better everyday one was excellent. You haven't really written much on how you've helped the kids, more on how they have been troublesome. I really hope that you stay sane inside insanity and help lots of more of them.

Thanks for sharing